Cheam Mixed Summer 3-1 Leatherhead Mixed Summer
By Scott Ferguson
Now summer league is over, wake me up when September ends…
Report by Chris Blackmore.
On a cloudy summers night, on the dusky and dimly lit astro-turf of Purley, Cheam saw off a valiant Leatherhead side to end the summer in style. Cheam-work once again proved it can make the dream work, as a fine smorgasbord of players from across the club managed to leave with all three points. The performance was about as solid as a Nokia 3310, with all the energy and endurance of a… Well, of a Nokia 3310.
Like all good disappearing acts, the magician always returns! After leaving the Men’s Summer team in the lurch last Tuesday, Addi magically reappeared this week much to the enjoyment of his mystified fans. Addi joined Gaz, Emily, and myself to start as the attacking options for the evening, with Cheam starting strong and applying some early pressure on the Leatherhead goal. Following what can only be described as a typical Gaz goal, a mazy 40-yard dribble and a smashing hit into the far corner, Cheam’s second was scored by a very unlikely source indeed… Me! After scoring my second goal in as many games, I was rewarded by being subbed off and having to play in four other outfield positions throughout the rest of the match. It was a performance that has some people around the club touting me as Cheam’s next top utility-player… Well, I heard one of the other guys call me a “massive tool”, and I definitely don’t need help joining up those dots!
Sadly, it is not all about me though, and I would be doing a disservice if I didn’t mention the fabulous performances across the team. Karen and Chris did turn up slightly late, but they played their regular suave hockey to pierce through Leatherhead’s defence, with the former scoring Cheam’s third from a well worked short-corner. The right-hand side saw Emily, Naergs, and Holly providing some great passes that would rival Fedex in terms of top quality distribution. Across the back, the dynamic-duo of Joy and Bernie worked tirelessly alongside a rotating trio of a resolute Rob, a masterful Maloney, and a seemingly omnipotent Ollie, who all managed to keep the courageous Charlie relatively free of work in goal… Although he was an ultimate champ when called into action, Charlie spent most of the match barking orders and marshalling his defence.
Even with umpiring, Cheam’s volunteers were composed and confident, managing for the most part to stay controversy-free. Leatherhead’s umpire, however, very much resembled Bob the Builder, such were the lengths he was going to try and fix it. I know umpiring is a difficult job and everyone who volunteers are heroes in their own right, but the dismissal of multiple players’ confessions of fouls had us all perplexed and confused. When the official-officiating-aficionado that is Joy started to get a bit miffed, that is when you know an umpire is having a bad day.
Back to Cheam though, and it seems that many around the club are revisiting the works of Beyoncé and heeding her timeless advice. Charlie was the latest to find someone he liked, and so he proceeded to put a ring on it. Congratulations to him and Naergs, I hope they enjoy their present of three lovely points in their first match since becoming betrothed. They go on to join a long list of recently engaged, and there are so many rings flying around the club it’s beginning to look like Sonic the Hedgehog has had a nasty collision. As Blackadder would say, my sincerest contrafibularities to you all.
Finally, a huge round of applause should go to Maloney, who has worked arduously over the summer to ensure mixed matches go ahead. These matches, plus two weekend tours, have kept many Cheam players sane over the off-season, and have been a good laugh throughout. I salute you El Capitán!
(P.S. Anyone from Nokia reading this, hit me up… It’s obvious I’m a big fan of the 3310)