Surbiton M6 4-0 Cheam M3

By Chris Blackmore

This week Cheam 3s managed to honour Blossom’s birthday by presenting him with the gift of marauding Surbiton players endlessly bearing down on his goal. We felt that it would be unfair if, on his special day, we didn’t let him take part. Therefore many of the Tweed Brigade did the chivalrous thing of not marking their men and letting Blossom face shot after shot. Suffice to say it was not a great day at the office, with Surbiton running away with the three points after a tough match beneath the hot, beating sun.

After witnessing some gold-medal hockey at the hands of Surbiton Ladies, everyone was fired up and good to go, unto the breach once more. However, after a decent start and a very evenly pitched battle, Surbiton showed that they were more inspired to imitate their female counterparts. Cheam’s off day saw many players losing their man and being caught ball-watching, giving Surbiton time and space to play their own game. Much like a ring-wearing Frodo, James Ross became invisible and had no idea what was going on, hearing and seeing things that weren’t there. After holding off some initial pressure, Surbiton managed to squeeze through. Some slick and quick passing from Surbiton’s midfield cut through the sleepy Cheam players like a hot knife through rich, creamery butter. Unfortunately for Cheam, Surbiton then seemed to develop a habit of scoring from ridiculous angles, with three of their goals mimicking British summertime, being less than 10 degrees...

There were some incredible highlights though! Something I thought I would never see was a real life slow-motion save, but Blossom delivered in outstanding fashion. It was as if time had stood still, however it was just Blossom standing still. The delayed reaction was something special, and I can’t wait until Sammy’s GoPro slows it down even further. The second special moment was Root’s goal-line clearance above his head, saving Cheam from further embarrassment. His thanks…? My stick to the face, as a sharp reminder that life is full of swings and roundabouts, and you shouldn’t spend your time celebrating your victories (not even for one second). Finally, Taylor’s do-or-die run managed to see him snake his way through most of Surbiton’s team and prove himself to be a slippery little devil. The audacity of our centre-back tearing up the pitch stunned everyone, and did little to help contain what is, by now, unprecedented levels of swelling of his ego.

Despite the result being disappointing, the day was not wasted. A civilised celebration for Blossom’s birthday followed the match, where many Ribena’s were drunk and we all pleasantly discussed philosophical riddles… Next week will see our last attempt of the season to pick up points, and as the season draws to a close I would like to taste the sweet sensation of victory once more. This Surbiton match aside, the second half of the season has seen this new Tweed generation develop dramatically, and another three points would be the least we deserve for such a commendable effort by these gentlemen, in what is a very difficult league of hockey.