Cheam M3 1 - 2 Chertsey Thames Valley M1

Written by Molly

Fresh from writing War & Peace last week I’m back, less by public demand and more the fact that a) Chris is away, b) no other mucker seemingly wants to do it, and c) I can get away with writing this at work. So this is for you Luna…

Last Saturday saw a much changed side take on the league leaders Chertsey at Nonsuch. Gone were out stand out performers from last week for various reasons ranging from furthering their education (Fisty/Harry), a last minute finger-nail injury (Gaz) and more importantly our captain Chris, who was called away to a friend’s flat on important Molly Maid business.

In came various recruits, including deputising captain Chris Powell aka Mike Brown, who clearly struggling early on with all the new faces and our change in formation (see last week’s shwitty report). One line-up saw him leaving Blossom on the bench in a desire to play two up top and confusion reigned from then on in.

Who’s umpiring? Dunno - Chris organised it. As he wasn’t around to ask, Bolly kindly volunteered, much to Rambo’s relief, who unbeknown to us had agreed and was playing on the game before us.

Confusion luckily only applied to off the pitch however. On the pitch we played really well, doggedly holding the league leaders to a few first half chances (by which I mean goal-line clearances off the posts at short corners) whilst posing them problems on the break. The new formation worked well again, forcing Chertsey to just leave one (very quick) forward up front and everyone else behind the ball when we were in possession. They broke in numbers when we had the ball but any dangers were cut out before they got to Blossom’s goal.

The last seconds of the half saw us win two short corners in succession, the second of which Koen clinically dispatched with a sweet strike top of the D. The goalie hadn’t even moved by the time the ball bounced back past him off the backboard. A perfect end to the half and proof that our Dutch master and part time drunken political philosopher had taken the right pre-match pills before the game.

Chertsey were clearly rattled and came at us strongly after the restart. Tackles were hard fought with our skipper having to off injured complaining he had “ripped his arse cheeks”. How did he do that I hear you cry. Don’t ask us but there is no truth to the rumour that Chris organised it. Ashton also saw green for a foul and then reacting to the Oscar winning performance of a cry baby.

We were not to be knocked off our stride though. Steve missed a glorious one on one chance to score, but having done the hard work by getting round the keeper, his first touch turned into his last one as the ball went agonisingly wide and he couldn’t catch up with it. To be fair he is normally the goalie in those situations and he is the clubs joint top goal scorer. Don’t tell Sutton United as otherwise they might try and sign him up.

Disappointingly we couldn’t hold onto the lead and conceded two well taken second half goals when we either gave away possession or were caught out of position by their midfield press.

Mike made a couple of important saves as we lost our shape a little pushing for an equaliser, including taking off both recognised centre backs and pushing our two outfield keepers up front. Just as in the first half, the second ended with a succession of short corners, but there was no happy Dutch ending this time – apparently you can’t get pills for them.

We didn’t deserve to lose and the extent of Chertsey’s celebrations showed how much they knew they had been in a fight. One of their players remarked it was their hardest game since we played them last year…which was incidentally when they last dropped any points whatsoever.

There was just time though for more off pitch confusion. What’s for tea skip? Dunno, my arse hurts and besides Chris organised it. Turns out they hadn’t been, and with most people including Chertsey buggering off, it was left to just a few diehards to head back to the club, eat takeaway pizza and reflect on another harsh defeat.

Then, if proof that I shouldn’t be let anywhere money and positions of authority were ever needed, it soon followed. Everyone buggering off meant I was ‘swamped’ with match fees on the side of the pitch, (only Chris’s spreadsheet knows how wrong this is). This led me to falsely accuse Buchols of not paying, much to his protest, thinking Krish had paid me instead.
Questions as to how I could possibly get those two mixed up meant DOTD was seemingly assured, but Goalman came to my rescue in the bar for seemingly just turning up for beers and not for the actual game. The award was therefore shared, whilst Taylor won Man of the Match for again playing well wherever he played, for which he demanded his own BBQ pizza.

So it was ultimately a case of more power to our elbows! Big game away at Trinity next week, where a positive result will help ensure league survival ahead of two crucial 6 pointers against Epsom and Surbiton in our final games of the season.