Cheam M3 1-4 Epsom M4

By Chris Blackmore

To the tune of ‘Hotel California’

On a cold weekend morning, cool wind in my hair.
Cheam 3s welcomed Epsom 4s, amidst the brisk, fresh winter’s air.
As the teams both got warmed up, and prepared for the game.
Everybody at Nonsuch knew, this match would be anything but tame.
We had Brandi and Bender, who had returned to the team.
And I was thinking to myself, ‘I only thought this would be real in my dreams!’
Then the match begun quickly, and it was some intense play.
Not before long we were screaming for, just one call to go our way…

“How the hell is that not our short corner!?”
“His foot’s misplaced!” (“His foot’s misplaced!”), what a complete disgrace.
“How the hell is that not our short corner!?”
“You can see it clear!” (“You can see it clear!”), Oh dear oh dear…

But I can’t blame the umpires, in fact they did really well.
We didn’t play those pretty, pretty balls, which would have caused Epsom all sorts of hell.
Instead we panicked and got worked up, we started to hit and hope.
But Epsom just kept their form and shape, soaked up our pressure and we couldn’t cope.

Not to say we were awful, in patches we played quite nice.
We had some decent chances and, could have scored perhaps once more or twice.
Brandi’s magic broke some ankles, whilst Alex played great on the wing.
But with Molly scoring for the other side, we just couldn’t do anything…

Own goal straight into Blossom’s near corner,
The look on Molly’s face (The look on Molly’s face), a moment he’ll want to erase.
Own goal straight into Blossom’s near corner,
And now Epsom have four (Now Epsom have four), we can’t get back that score.

Last thing I remember, my mind drifted on to next week.
The effort and the skill are there, just a few things that we need to tweak.
“Relax” said Mike Brown, “I know the points will come soon.”
“We’ll get back working on the training pitch.”
“And play hockey to make all the girls swoon!”