Teddington Oaks 9-2 Cheam M3s

By Chris Blackmore

Rice paper, rich-tea biscuits, the French army… All of these things would have been structurally more solid than Cheam’s defence this weekend. Teddington’s slick, quick play tore us apart, and they managed to find more holes than Tiger Woods at a women’s golfing tournament.

The game started rather positively, and in the first-half we managed to frustrate Teddington. Despite conceding twice, a quick break-away and a cheeky little finish by Powell kept us in contention. It wasn’t perfect but we were still in it, and spirits were high. The break allowed us to compose ourselves and work out a game-plan to claw our way back into the match in the second half… Talk is cheap.

That game plan flew out the window as the second half ushered in a new era of the game. This era can best be summarised by a single four-letter word, but that word isn’t publishable. Unfortunately Cheam’s defence parted like the Red Sea and allowed Teddington players free-reign to abuse Blossom, who did his best to keep the score-line down. Much like Boromir, Blossom kept fighting the good fight until the very death, despite swarms of opposition looming down upon him. However, as for our defence, well the less said the better. Astonishingly we managed to all perform our Houdini tribute-acts on the same weekend, as we completely disappeared from the game. Some of us were less subtle than others… James Ross decided that enough was enough, and the quickest way off the pitch was getting a card. A quick explosion towards the umpire’s legitimate decision sealed the deal, and James got a nice rest for a few minutes on the side-line. However the rest of us had to settle with just blending into the background as wave after wave of Teddington attacks washed over us. There must have been some sort of glitch in the Matrix as we returned to the centre spot time and time again.

Up in front we had very little service to our forwards, but when receiving the ball damage was done. Gaz had a very nice sprint away from Teddington’s defence for a sublime lob of the keeper to give us our second, but unfortunately it did little to change the result. It did receive a nice little round of applause though, which is what it deserved. It was the shining silver lining in an otherwise dark and gloomy day.

A match to forget and a result to shake off. Onwards and upwards chaps, let’s bring home some points as an early Christmas present.