Chertsey M1s 0-4 Cheam M3s

By Chris Blackmore

***In light of this week’s events, I thought of parodying Donald J. Trump’s vocabulary and diction, using quotes from his Presidential Campaign***
***Any remarks about teams or individuals are not true… Just like anything Trump says***

You know, when I came to Cheam, I came with one simple dream… “Make Cheam Great Again.” This week provided me with all the evidence I needed that I was a winner, that I had succeeded. A great 4-0 win away at Chertsey was huuugeee. I mean, when Chertsey bring they’re players, they aren’t sending their best. They’re bringing thugs, they’re bringing grime, and some, I assume, are good players. But I organised the best people around me, really just the best. Some of these players you never heard of are better than the ones you have heard of, and we delivered, just like I said we would.

We won so bigly this weekend, so big. People said that we couldn’t win big, but this proves just how big we can win. I had a great plan to defeat Chertsey, and I can’t tell you what it was, but I can just promise you that it worked. I am automatically attracted to beautiful hockey, I just am, and when you’re a captain, they play it in front of you. It was a really, really, very good win for us.

We had goals. We had all the goals. Some of my team, such as Shep, Goalman, and Marcus did the scoring. I assisted a couple of them, but really I don’t just want to talk about myself all the time. In fact Shep was so good, just so good, that he won MOTM (I really should have won it), but he was so good that I thought, if he wasn’t my player perhaps I would be dating him! Who knows…

I would also like to thank my defence. They really are just the best. When I called for a total and complete shutdown of all Chertsey players entering the D, they came through and did it. I told them “I want to build a wall”, and we built that wall around our D, to stop all the Chertsey’s from getting in and ruining it all. No one can get a clean-sheet like us, and build that defensive wall as good as we did. I was so proud, so so proud of my defence. With a performance like that, our sheets are cleaner that Hillary’s email servers… And also Bill’s office chair! Such a nasty family.

It was a good week. I love winning, that’s all I spend my time doing. I should thank our opponents Chertsey for such a good game, they had a good run in the end. But now it is time for me to have my moment. Winning is in our blood now, and I believe have the opportunity to snatch these points with our hands (really big hands by the way). The only way we can keep winning is if we take these points and grab them by the…