Cheam M3s 3 - 0 Surbiton M7s

Contents:

• Surbiton Match Report
• Vice Captain's Half Term Report

Match Report
Surbiton arrived at the Fortress challenging at the higher end of the table, and having played them last season we knew they would be a handy side. Thankfully this week saw the return of a number of players from injury / holiday / work / 'lunch' etc so we fielded what was pretty much a full-strength team.

#Garyallen decided to announce his return to the team in typical style, but hitting himself in the face with the ball during the warm-up.

The opposition started brightly, stringing together some neat passes. However we got to grips with their skilful central players and took the lead through Mike Brown. It was a typical Brownie finish, calmly lifting the ball over the grounded keeper. Its good to have Mike back and fighting fit, even if only to help the team in the Cheam 3s vs Goalman goal-scoring stakes.

Jonny made it 2-0 by crashing home a short corner rebound under the semi-logged keeper.

The second half continued in a similar vein, and the result was put beyond doubt with a Goalman strike. To their credit, Surbiton battled well and kept pushing to till the end. The defence has looked back to its solid best in recent weeks, but when Surbiton did find a way through, they found Blossom in imperious form. Since the debacle at Bank of England, its been four clean sheets in a row.

The team celebrated hard post-match, and apparently there were casualties. Goalman demonstrated his unerring ability to drink copious amounts of vodka, a necessity after failing to order teas, AGAIN. Yes, we're top, but we're also the hungriest team in the league. Also, the team's aspiring Joe Oddy and Dom Beales lookalike was taught the harsh realities of adult hockey. He's off to University next year, so the squad decided to contribute toward his education. As a result, Fisty now knows what the bowls of Cheam Sports Club's male toilets, or the 'ECB Lounge' look like.

MotM - After two weeks in the company of the 2s, Blossom's return to the Tweed fold was impressive, with some smart stops preserving a hard-fought clean sheet.
DotD - We turn up, we play some good hockey, we drink beer, we eat some well deserved teas. Since becoming Captain there has been a consistent element missing from this list at home games. Order some teas Goalman, I'm bloody starving!

Vice-Captain's Half Term Report

Ten games gone and half way through the season. So how have they all done?

Blossom - Last season's Tweed Award winner has had a lot to live up to this year. Still always at training, still always at the bar. Plus, he has a very accommodating extended family (allegedly).
Highlight: An MotM display vs Surbiton
Development point: Never neglect leg-day

Jonny - Well, the best kept secret in hockey is out, and the 2s want him to lose matches with them after Christmas. Our blank faces, and shrugging of shoulders when asked by the selection committee 'who is this Jonny bloke?' was only going to work for so long. We will of course be campaigning to keep him, and also lobbying hard to get him knighted in the New Year's Honour's List.
Highlight: An eventful first half of the season. Dropped his first C-bomb, got his first green card, and has started to look like a genuine goal-scoring threat. The highlight though, would be his quick comeback after being assaulted by Joe Cresswell during training. 100% hero.
Development point: Don't answer the phone when Coops calls.

Chris B - A great new addition to the squad. Has picked up a couple of MotM awards already, and watching him beat himself up after making a mistake can be comedy gold.
Highlight: In throwing a massive wobbly at the Goan umpire, Lil' Chris must have been practising his 'scary teacher' routine for the following week.
Development point: Going to 'lunch', or 'Southampton' (wherever that is) is not an acceptable excuse for unavailability. You're a teacher, good excuses should be your forte.

Bev - Those knees are holding strong, and Bev has looked classy at the back. It must be a good brand of gaffer tape holding everything together under all that padding.
Highlight: That clearance off the line during the first 10 minutes of the season. I still have chills.
Development point: When emulating iconic sportsmen, doing a 'Steven Gerrard' is never the route you should go down. The epic slip vs Surbiton was one blot on an otherwise quality first 10 games.

Dom - Possibly hasn't quite lived up to expectations since getting his knees fixed, and becoming more mobile. Probably because defending isn't really his thing.
Highlight: Successfully managed to avoid being 'that guy in charge when the M3s finally lost a game'. Thankfully that particular bullet was avoided when Captain for the day vs Goan.
Development point: Briefly becoming a Molly tribute act late in the Reigatian match. Oh, and the entire match vs BoE. 70 minutes of incompetent filth.

Ted - When he's not wasting his time in Kenya and Paris, still looks classy in front of the defence.
Highlight: Quality performance vs Goan
Development point: Better organisation of holidays and city breaks certainly needed.

Brandi - Been a bit of a revelation in midfield after returning from the hockey wilderness of the US of A. Another player who we deny all knowledge of during selection meetings. So far the line of 'yeah he's crap now' has worked a treat.
Highlight: Getting schooled by Jonny post match and seeing off a jug of tasty ale
Development point: There is speculation that he is contractually obliged to throw 1 aerial per match. This is characterised by an 'unnecess-aerial' with about 5 minutes to go in each game, when Brandi is suddenly reminded of this particular requirement.

Buchols - Yes, the tache has gone, and some in the squad are still yet to recover fully. Has had an excellent first half of the season, though I'm still reeling from that late miss in pre-season.
Highlight: With Buchols, everything is a highlight
Development point: Please, please humour the team by abandoning the razor for a few weeks. I think the whole team would like the return of Cheam's favourite 12th man.

Fisty - Has fitted in well on the wing and in midfield. Takes delight in threatening to score a hatful of goals, only to give the ball to Goalman at the last minute. The team need this to stop if they are to win the Cheam vs Goalman award at the end of the season.
Highlight: A great hat-trick vs Bank of England.
Development point: Never, ever, celebrate scoring a goal until you have scored a goal.

Keddie - Cheam's finest Defence and Security blogger has been a solid utility man this year, filling in well at LB, CM and LW.
Highlight: With Keddie around, we are certainly the best-warmed-up team in the Surrey Open League
Development point: Some of us aren't quite fit enough to survive the entire warm up. Consider implementing a lighter alternative for those with crap knees, or a bit of extra timber.

Mike Brown - Another fine addition to the team this year after realising that OK's are in fact, rubbish. With a decent goal tally already this season, Mike has a refreshing disregard for his young family by putting hockey first.
Highlight: Declaring himself available the morning after the birth of his first born. He hasn't been here long, but Mike Brown is Cheam through and through.
Development point: Keep those high-strength pain-killers on order please.

Goalman - Whichever way you look at it, 24 goals in 9 games is a fairly decent return. With the club's Golden Stick award effectively wrapped up in 9 appearances, could 50 goals be possible this season?
Highlight: Yes, they were rubbish, but 7 goals vs Addiscombe was pretty special
Development point: I'm still hungry...

Gary Morley - A real threat when available. Can everyone stop asking for Saturday locksmith services please?
Highlight: I don't think anyone ever gets bored of seeing the Gary Morley Spin.
Development point: I still break out in a cold sweat when I re-live his 18th-birthday-shower comment post-Goan.

Bender - Has tempered the squad's disappointment of declaring himself unavailable due to boxing training by inviting everyone to watch him get into the ring with an ex-pro rugby player. He'll certainly be taking one for the team.
Highlight: Bender's rock solid contribution towards strengthening British - Polish relations
Development point: When travelling to Oxted to watch the M3s from the sidelines, bring more than 3 beers.

Pube - Limited availability has meant that we haven't seen as much of the one-handed wonder as we'd have liked. When he is available though, it's always special.
Highlight: Hitting himself in the face during a warm up. Classic #Garyallen
Development point: Chose an alternative supplier of office-based menswear in the future

Should be a successful second half of the season.