EUHC Gamblers 2s v Cheam 2s

Athletes say that venues themselves can help them deliver inspirational performances: Jess Ennis saying the crowd at London 2012 carried her home in the home straight of her 800m. Mo Farah said something similar. Liverpool players talk about how the Kop makes all the difference and it’s said that the Nou Camp has inspired some of Messi’s best performances.

In a similar vein Cheam 2’s arrived at the National Sports Centre Crystal Palace. The trek to the pitch was long enough to warrant water stops and with the dilapidated 1977 Jubilee Stand, non-functional athletics score board and patchy perimeter fence looming over the astro’s sand dunes, the levels of inspiration matched the surroundings. This inspiration led to the highest number of DoD nominations of the season so far.

This was nicely reflected in Captain Andy Cooper wandering off to collect the bag of balls he’d left in his car. Realising halfway through the epic journey back to the carpark he’d taken them to the pitch anyway. DoD nomination 1.

The tone for the game was set out early with battles in every area of the park. Defensively and in midfield, Cheam battled hard and provided ball for the attacking unit forcing the Gamblers keeper to make some strong saves. The attacking short corner routine working well – and would have worked better if Dan Threlfall actually got his stick to the ball…. He was also at one point seen consensually cuddling a defender. DoD nomination 2.

The bench plays a significant part in sport - particularly at these elite levels. However, the bench is only as effective as the management capability of those on the sideline allows. Mental capacity was clearly lacking (sadly no names can be attributed here) when the defensive midfield substitution was done during an attacking phase of play from Gamblers. This led to a passing move being made to look slicker than it should due to an overload from the oppo’s midfield and ANOTHER one-on-one with the Cheam keeper. A smart finish followed. 1-0 to Gamblers.

Just a word on these one-on-ones. You could argue that the Cheam keeper should now be more than proficient given the number he’s had to deal with this season. And you would be correct. The stats currently stand at:

League Games played by this keeper: 4
1 on 1s: 7 (!!)
Goals from 1 on 1s: 3
So, this is a success rate to the keeper of 57.15%. Strong (and better than some 2’s players Tinder hit rates) #KAPT

We could break these stats down further, but this would lead to loss of readership and fines for the author. Suffice to say, a change in formation has come to the aid of the glacially paced Cheam defence.

Following some attacking pressure and a short corner, the ball looped in the air to Steve Shepherd who took a swing that baseball legend Barry Bonds (in his performance enhancing drugs heyday*) would have been proud of. The ball smashed into the backboard. All square.

The rest of the first half saw more attacking punch from Cheam, and a couple of goalmouth scrambles forcing more saves from the oppo’s keeper.

Rolling out for the second half, it was agreed that while there were battles on the pitch Cheam had the upper hand in the first half and needed to do more of the same.

The pressure to equalise may have got to Cheam, with pressing higher up the pitch leading to a number of breaks and attacking incursions into Cheam’s D. This forced yet ANOTHER 1on1 with the Cheam keeper delicately chopping the ball away from the attacker with his stick. Now….a lot has been made about this “agricultural” stick tackle… all I can say is that my head was at ground level and less than a stick length (so very close) from the ball when it happened – I TOOK THE BALL. I know, I was there. And the umpire agreed….

Further attacking pressure from Gamblers led to Cheam’s defence being stretched and the keeper being called on to make a number of sharp saves (again).
As a team, Cheam did well to absorb this sustained pressure, Ben Gibson was key here. Although it should be pointed out that he also managed to edge the ball into his own forehead. DOD nomination 3
The group handled a number of defensive short corners as a unit. Strong saves on the goaline from Madders (Richard Eggleton) and Nicholas Young made the difference here.

After absorbing this pressure Cheam’s attacking unit gathered pace with Charlie Weston showing he can more than hold his own in the 2s. This made the last 10 minutes all about the visitors and was aided by a Gamblers yellow card but hindered by a Cheam green. Harry Reynolds (ask him who Kirsty is) filled the silence left by Sohail Ahmad, asking a few too many questions of the umpire’s ability…. Who’d have thought!? DOD nomination 4

During the frantic final 10 with Cheam pushing for a winner the pressure got too much for some. Badger’s (Stuart Lawrence) yelping and shrieking reached a crescendo’d fever pitch and it all became too much. On a free hit he managed to pass the ball onto his own foot (and may have fallen over?) DOD nomination 5

The final whistle saw 2 frustrated teams leave the field. There was a winning goal in there somewhere but the keepers at both ends delivered quality for the rest of their “grateful” lesser mortal team-mates.

But it doesn’t quite end there… there were a number of offences that required fines:
Robert Caulkin fined for “poor hygiene”
Madders for another “inconspicuously efficient” performance
Cooper – EYE MAKEUP!

MoM - Charlie Ede
DoD - Badger

*no suggestions or inference is being made that Steve Shepherd is using performing enhancing drugs. In fact it is clearly NOT the case.