Cheam Mens 3rd XI

Krishantha "Cockfish" Gunatunga has been with Cheam hockey practically from birth. He was discovered as a baby left in a goalkeeping helmet on the door steps of the club, and has been playing for the Cheam ever since.

Levi is the backbone that Cheam mens 3rd XI is built upon. After making his fortune in the Jamaican food industry Levi thought that hockey might be his calling and joined Cheam Hockey 3rd XI for one reason - to show his dancing. You see Levi is the king of the dance floor, as soon as he hears a tune he just can't stop moving. He is so tuned into the music that his feet start moving at the thought that some music might be played. Thats why Patrick Swayze consulted Levi before he filmed dirty dancing to make sure all the moves would be up to Levi's exacting standards. Being allowed onto the astro allows Levi the space to move freely every week and to get the chance to dance through the opposition for his customary tap ins at the the back post. The problem with the dancing is it effects his day job. You see he works on the railways and regards the tracks as a good place to dance. Levi NO. It causes 37% of all the delays in the UK. In short Levi loves a good boogie.

Douglas Elizabeth Cowan Stacey Moore. Burst on to the Cheam Hockey scene midway through last season (10/11) immediately forcing his way into the 3rd XI. His no nonsense approach to defending has seen him move up to midfield. Vocal and encouraging his voice can be heard on the pitch with such war cries at ‘take it for a walk,’ or protesting to umpires that ‘he is new.’
Known for his ability to turn on a knife edge, expertly flick a ball past the opposition and stay on his feet in seeming impossible scenarios. In summary what a Lad

Donkey (Equus africunus asinus)

Described by Wikipedia as “domesticated”. Just goes to show that you can’t believe everything you read on the internet.

Our donkey has been at the club many years, on and off, which coincidentally can sum up his Saturday afternoons (see bad boys table).

Famous for the reverse stick jab/flick/sweep and for his weekly migration from Berkshire to his feeding grounds in East Surrey.

(Interestingly, there’s also an entry on Wikipedia for “Exploding Donkey” – that sounds like it might be nearer the truth).

Cheam has joined the list of clubs where you can hear the plaintive cries of “Dad, pass the ball”. Don’t let the youthful looks deceive you though.  Charlie has been a hardened member of the Cheam Easter and Summer tour parties for many years.  The fact that he was only 7 when he attended his first tour just shows the progressive parenting skills that are encouraged at the club.

Having come up through the Colts section this is Charlie’s first year of league hockey, he also plays regularly for the mixed team and has got into the county U14 squad this year.

When not on the hockey, cricket or rugby pitch Charlie can usually be found in the usual habitat of the teenager – playing Modern FIFA Battlefield 2011 (or something similar) on the PS3 (other gaming consoles are available).

Dhiren, also known as 'Dhiren da Defenda', is currently pursuing a career as a solo rap artist. But it's not all Women, Guns, Booze and Parties! Dhiren likes to give something back and, aside from playing hockey, he spends his spare time chopping people up with scalpels, fixing them and sewing them back up again. In fact he once demonstrated his needlework skills on a team-mate after he had been hit on the head with a hockey ball. It is joked that such is Da Defenda's devotion to Cheam HC that he once left an anaesthetised patient on the operating table whilst he nipped off to play a half of hockey before returning to finish the operation.

Many have heard tales of a player called Nigel Dorrington Watts,  the fabled defensive player for Cheam mens 3rd XI. Similar to other supposed fictional creatures elsewhere like the Lock Ness monster or Bigfoot, there has never been an officially documented case of him turning up to a match. The scientific community regards the Nigel Dorrington Watts as a modern-day myth, and explains sightings as a mix of hoaxes and wishful thinking.

Bender is the teams compulsive shopper, usually found in  Cheam Sports purchasing the latest in snake oil sporting technology. Notable purchases have included; balance bracelets, the worlds most expensive gloves and indoor hockey sticks. All this stash must be working because he is the fastest player on the field when he is upright. His other hobbies include getting tattoos, smoking like a chimney and taking photos of his body using his camera phone.

Philip Randolph  Tiberius Lyddon is a newcomer to Cheam, who exploded onto the scene this season (11/12). He was saved by Cheam from his common ball tendencies and has become a regular in the 3s back line.  He is known for his calm defensive style and his beautiful flying jab tackle. More recently he has become famous for his empty pint glass trick, so if you see him in the street make sure you ask him to demonstrate. 

Gary is Cheam’s resident genius, due to the discovery of his IQ of 300. Gary splits his time between leading experiments at the CERN facility in Switzerland, lecturing undergrads in particle physics at Harvard and his responsibilities as Chairman of Mensa in London. When he is not advancing scientific fields of study he can be found at Cheam Hockey club, where is known as the loveable rogue Pube. At Cheam he has become famous for his stunning turn of pace, his infamous one handed dribble, his capacity to graze various body parts no mater how much padding he wears and his ability to still play the ball while lying horizontally on the floor. How little do people know that the Pube they see in the club house sticking things to himself with superglue is in fact mankind’s last hope to better understand the universe around us.