Cheam Mens 3rd XI

Report: Saturday the 27th of May saw the Men’s third XI travel to the sodden plains of Sanderstead to face the Old Mid Fifth XI. The reverse fixture saw the heroes from Cheam come away with 3 points in an inspiring 3-0 victory.

In a ploy to disadvantage the 3’s the Old Mid’s had arranged the fixture on grass in the hope that the inferior playing surface would foil the slick pass and move game that had undone them at the fortress. Little did they know that the Men of Cheam are rarely ill-prepared and had arrange a specialist grass training session to ready them for the battle.

Confident of victory and with a squad full of talented players (less Sparky who was away in Brighton Flower pressing.) 3 points looked a certainty.

The match opened with Cheam paying little regard for the poor playing conditions passing, moving and retaining possession with ease. However as has been the case in many of the fixture this season the 3’s struggled to make the magic happen in the final third.

After around half an hour the otherwise slightly dull game was set alight by a brilliant piece of individual skill by an accomplished young winger as he stepped inside his marker drove into the D and found a Midwifgian foot. Neil Weston silenced the frusrated 3’s who had turned there frustration at the lack of goals on the umpire before slotting home from a cleverly worked short.

0-1 Cheam

Buoyed by the lead Cheam poured forward pressuring the Mid’s Goal after some pretty desperate defending on there part a P-flick was given. Cometh the man cometh the hour Ben stepped up to settle the debate of the best place to put a P-Flick, shying away from the conventional top corners he opted for the unorthodox ‘just right of the keeps legs,’ simple and effective.

0-2 Cheam - Half Time

Captain Krish delivered a Nostradamus esq team talk during the half time break, predicting the lead easily slipping away. Three scrappy Mid goals later the lead had slipped.

3-2 Mid's

The pressure was on as Cheam as the game should have really been killed, and they were now trailing. With the clock running something special was required from the heroes from Cheam. Not for the first time in the match Neil Weston broke through the Mid’s midfield leaving 3 players in his wake as slalomed through like a young Herman Myer, he slipped the ball inside where Pube waited he battled past a further 2 men using sheer tenacity and laid a pin point pass onto Toby who took the ball on square in front of goal. With the keeper bearing down on him the finish would need to be a precise one, with only a slither of back board showing Toby unleashed an almighty strike that inch perfectly found the small gap between the Keepers legs as ball and backboard met the sound could have been mistaken for thunder especially on the overcast day. The strike was so perfect that is remarked apon (all be it by myself.) that it was a strong contender for goal of the season.

3-3

The scores remain that way until the final whistle; everybody agreed it was 2 points dropped

Report: Revenge was the order of the day for Cheam Men’s 3rd X1. After suffering a 3-0 defeat in the corresponding fixture against BOE 3’s, on that hot balmy day in Roehampton we had only 10 brave warriors and despite losing put in a good team performance. Today’s match would be a different affair, Baltic winds swept across the lush green astro and whistled through the newly built east stand, with a full complement of 13 players confidence was high.

Push back was apon us and as the sound of the whistle cut through the crisp morning air, right from the off it was clear that the now standard relaxed approach to warming up the Men’s 3’s have adopted (for me it’s a cigarette and taking my tracksuit off.) was not paying off as much of the early pressure came for the opposition. Despite this shaky start a resolute back 4 gave little away and allowed the whole team to settle into the ‘Total Hockey,’ playing team that has earned the 3’s reputation as the most entertaining team in the league (maybe.)

Having steadied the ship the next order of business was putting ourselves ahead, this process was delayed slightly when one foolish/brave member of the BOE team tried to pass Coxy, he was duly chopped down a green card was shown and the manoeuvre was not tried again. Disaster soon followed as BOE drew first blood after a scrappy shot corner routine the ball dribbled over the line, I am assured our fearless leader would have had it covered but was anticipating a far better strike.

The beast that is the bottom tier of men’s hockey at Cheam was awoken and with 5 minutes left in the half it was all Cheam. An inspired move starting from a pin point pass set Toby free (for his only non-foot-related contact with the ball,) who cut inside his man, dropped the ball over to Ralph who slipped the ball through to returning Cheam Star Richard Coleman, an inspired piece of goal keeping was all that kept BOE ahead at the break.

Despite the deficit at the break the 3’s could smell blood in the air and for once it wasn’t Subway (as he was sporting some lovely forearm protectors.) As the half box of orange peels kindly donated by Joe Oddy were consumed a plan was formulated ‘play better and we will win.’

With these words ringing in the players ears the second half started as the first had ended all Cheam. It wasn’t long before the breakthrough was made, a powerful run from the curly haired assassin Subway left a trail of BOE trailing in his wake he then slipped a precision ball into the path of a marauding Donkey who played an inch perfect through ball to the waiting Coleman who would not be denied a second time. Cheam 1-1 BOE

The clock was on the side of Cheam and camp was made in BOE half, however compliancy is the enemy and the attacking nature of the 3’s set up left them vulnerable to the counter attack. A speedy break away almost robbed Cheam of their hard earned point but an acrobatic double save from Captain Krish saved the 3’s from what would have been the Hockey Travesty of the season.

Shortly after affairs were brought to a close by the familiar sound of the whistle.

To summarise, the Mens 3rd XI showed character and at times fantastic hockey, Special mentions should be given to the whole back 4 especially MOM Sparky.

Report: “We shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in the Fortress. We shall fight on the training ground and in the bars. We shall fight, with growing confidence and strength in the air. We shall defend our fortress, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches of Croyden, we shall fight on the landing grounds at Staines, we shall fight in the fields of Walton and in the streets. We shall fight in the hills. We shall never surrender – until the barman at REDS throws us out”
Winston Churchill (sort of)

The Day started well, the Mens 1’s who started in front of us at 1000 hours had a great result with 6-1 over Epsom with an awesome p flick from Omar…! Perry was even on time, and we had a full squad, so far so good. The sight of seeing a great victory must have set the 3s in motion because from the brief warm up, all players showed why they had been picked with sharp efficient movement and ruthless ball speed.

The game started with a changing of ends from the oppo, no reason why, they just thought being away from the sun would give them the advantage. The same tactic that Croyden had used the week before. Unfortunately they had no taken into account THE PUBE! He had appeared from nowhere, and started on the right wing, from the off you could tell PUBE was going to make this game difficult for his marker who he kept leaving for dead as he whisked round him down the wing squaring off balls galore.
This led to the first goal. Gary picked up the slack on the wing and releasing play and then storming into their D like a rabid infection looking for its host. Pube screams for the ball and picks the ball up with a tenacious fashion on the reverse, clean strike and awesome GOAL!!!! 1-0 Cheam. Some even said the goal was ‘titalicious’!

The game then took a turn for the worse, ok no it didn’t. Sorry I would be lying if I said that. The game exploded into life and got interesting (for the gathering fans) with yet more movement from the very impressive Pube. This combined with a handy looking Ted led to the second goal, domination of the middle park ensured that Donkey was able to roam around at the back looking for space and freedom in which to utilise. He was set on his way by Ted/Gary and slotted home a cracking GOAL. 2-0 Cheam!!!!

By this point Reigate Primary (so called because of the average age of their squad) were starting to bicker but also realise that the point man in this game was the Pube. This didn’t do much to prevent the next goal, another top effort for Pube who by this point was dominating the wing, leaving those who tried to mark, trailing in his wake. The rest of the midfield were able to push higher as Reigate had assigned their entire midfield to Pube to bring him down, of course they weren’t expecting a swift movement of square balls and lightening runs from Pube, Ted, Perry and AJ. The Primary were disorientated and lost track of Pube who bombed through the D and picked up the loose ball, smashed it at the keeps, saved, tried again, saved and finally the ball had bobbled away into enough space for Pube to batter it in the bottom right! GOAL 3-0 Cheam!!!!

By this point Cheam had stepped up their game and subs were being made for fresh legs and new faces. Pube, Perry were off and on came Andy and James. Complete domination had become the key word and Cheam were holding onto the ball like a training session. Dom who was playing up front was running down the left wing, in and out of their players and letting off shots left right and centre. If they had a less experienced keeper, they would have been down by double figures by half time. Fortunately they had, what can only be described as a unwavering and steadfast keeper who was charging down virtually every smashed ball. The tempo was high and the next goal was coming, Cheam had picked up on the keepers superb saves and had reverted back to smart passes and sharp movement to evade their defence.

Ted in midfield was soaking up any attempted runs from their midfield and storming through their ranks like a war hardened guerrilla releasing pin point passes to the centre forwards. On one of these runs he found a lively donkey who was knocking around on the edge of the D waiting for such a pass, it came and donkey wasn’t hesitant in creaming the ball past the keeper, two fingers up and off he trotted! GOAL 4-0 Cheam!!!!!

Shortly after this, half time was blown. Rapturous, is a good word to describe the mood in which the mighty 3s were feeling. Yes I just thesaurused it up!

Team walk was quick, not an awful lot to pick holes in, more like advice on where the full backs can go, which was very high up as long as Coxy and Dhirren were ok to be left. Aside from that, some lovely San Pellegrino was drank and the heathens who had other liquids drank theirs.

Perry also informed everyone that 2 more goals would leave Cheam on a ‘0’ goal difference in the league, something very achievable!

So the second half underway, no changes, the team that started the first half starts the second, which incidenly is this: Krish, AJ, Coxy, Dhirren, Perry, Westy, Ted, Pube, Brian, Donks, Dom.

The half started off slow for Cheam but we quickly broke down their stubborn and rather futile attempts at hanging onto the ball. Resistance is futile, so I am told!

Soon after this the cracks (grand canyon sized ones) started to appear in their midfield with the kids getting frustrated and trying to ball chase rather then man mark. The older and more experienced defence were trying their luck further up the field, leaving huge exposed spaces for Pube to exploit. Not much happened from this because they were defending in numbers and were essentially confined to their half, if not their 25. the occasional break would come with Cheams back line stepping up and taking charge. Coxy in one rather x rated incident, stepped to one kid and took the ball and half the player. After that the kid backed off and then laid every ball that he could off to his mate on the left wing. The left wing went nowhere with awesome movement from the midfield enabling a quick lay off from Perry. Neil then slalomed down the wing, jumping and side footing every rash tackle put his way. Neil laid the ball off for Dom who then cut in at such a tight angle, it was impossible to get a shot off, or so we thought, Dom laid the ball clean through and spanked it in. GOAL 5-0 Cheam!!!!!

By this point Cheam were obviously cruising and the Primary had given up on any comeback and damage control was in place. Cynical tackles and long balls had become the main objective. Changes were rung, off came Perry for AJ and Westy for Graham.

Graham our fox in the box had come on and was doing some serious damage to their back four as none of them knew his foxy audacious ways. Sneaking in on long balls and snap shots was really disrupting them! Wasn’t long before he did it, but Graham nabbed a cracking little steal and added to his haul of golden goals this season. GOAL 6-0 Cheam!!!!!

There isn’t much to add to this now, apart from one little gem. Coxy on the edge of the D took control, out did his man and unleashed a thunderbolt of a shot. So good, it took the keeper full stretch to the top left hand post and cross bar corner to deflect into and some how, only god knows how, away from danger. Good work!

Final score 6-0

Report: In November 2009 a crack hockey unit was sent to Croyden by a kangaroo court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum drinking stockade to Peaches Close. Today, still wanted by the Star of Cheam Indian, they survive as players of fortune. If you want to play hockey, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can join... TEAM CHEAM.

The day started off well enough, of sorts. As per usual Perry was late due to ‘train delays’ or what most of us know as ‘lazy so-and-so train drivers oversleeping’. Anyway after a rescue dash from pube and a very sleepy ‘navigator Dom’ they reached the pitch and engaged in a sort of male bonding session, Pube patting guys bums. Nice.

Now I say pitch, but I think this would actually be giving it too much credit. Some of the many descriptions it was given, included blackpool beach, a mountain, an iceberg and a sandbox on account of its generous lashing of sand and frosty wind chill.

As the warm ups began, we soon realised that the ball speed on this pitch was going to be slower than a fat person eating a salad. There was then a note of sarcasm as Krish commented on the oppo’s short corner practice and how worried he was. Looked like a mouse had more chance of dragging something decent.

The team was ready to go, then realised we had a man down, Andy and more importantly Toby had become lost in Thornton heath. Lucky we had super dan who started as wing forward and later became a wing back and eventually a defender.

Game started well, some swift passing, great movement and more importantly the whole team stuck together in formation and didn’t chase after each other or the ball. The ball was made to do the work for us. Lots of movement eventually led to a foray into their end and a long was won. Perry stepped up to take it and with a sharp 1-2 with Dan he slapped it across the back of the D and past all the defenders to a waiting Marcus on the post who made no mistake in seeing it off. 1-0 to the mighty CHEAM!!!!

From the off the team did much the same, stayed together, battled the harsh conditions and rugged terrain and remained as one in passing and movement. It was not long before the next goal came which really helped the confidence and belief. The scorer this time was our fox in the box – Graham. Awesome movement came about from the central midfield and Marcus in particular for Graham to find the sweet spot and make his move. 2-0 CHEAM!!!!

Supreme Team Cheam were now dominating the game much like the domination Pube and Andy enjoy in the showers.

Goal 3 wasn’t far off and by this time Croydon had tried their hardest to break the defence, something which wasn’t happening. A bald oap was strolling around the back and trying to convince us he would peel off and skin the keeper. He didn’t and shortly after went off to swap for ‘trev’ the man who has allegedly played for virtually every Surrey side. This changed the game, as there was fresh blood and a player on who wanted the ball. And when he got it he tried to trouble the defence, fortunately Trev was a selfish player who didn’t like passing or teamwork and this then led to a super goal. Once Trev had been inevitably robbed(!) the ball was set loose to Neil who promptly released Gary for a sprint and who then sent off a wicked ball for Trist in the D who superbly smashed the ball into the goal no problems, like it was his day job. 3-0 CHEAM!!!!! Also Andy and Toby turned up.

Half time was then shortly called and Cheam were leading by a country mile for the first time in a while. Ecstatic and high were the feelings flowing but a swift talk from our glorious captain soon made us realise that we were not at the finishing post yet and there was all the play for. Mistakes were talked on and gaps in play were identified and cleared.

As play resumed the Cheam had clearly taken too much of the first half with them and began to fold under a rejuvenated Croydon who pushed and pushed to a point where our defence were playing in their own 25 for a good 5 minutes. Eventually the danger subsided much in part to Coxy and Ted staring the oppo down and Coxys superb clearances and solidness. Cheam then regained their composure to take control. By this point someone on the oppo had wound poor old Pube up, and he was losing control.

Big mistake, you don’t mess with the Pube! He was moved to the right wing and Andy switched to the left.

Andy then dazzled them with pace and precision making the aggressor wish he hadn’t bothered annoying our Pube. This wasn’t the worse bit though, the wing on the right was now at Pubes mercy and he didn’t give them any. Just pain. Pube got onto a long ball and ran the wing, ran it so well that he turned his man in the last 25 and went to the bottom of the D. He then turned another defender to send a ball (so smooth it could have been called James Bond) to a waiting foxy Graham, who gratefully smashed home for the dominating win.

Cheam then had a short period of total command and the final whistle blew, much to Cheams glee. Much merriment followed. The end.

Report: A return this week to the Fortress saw the 3s looking to keep the unbeaten home record in tact. Alas, the first five minutes caught us napping with Wanderers rampaging through our D saw two quick strikes get chalked on the board.

From there are on the 3s settled down, playing some great hockey and using the width of the park and our back line. Wanderers retrenched back to their 25 causing the 3s significant trouble to break them down, only to emerge for a late strike for a third goal – one to work on this week.

The mission for this season will be to seize the opportunities when they come. Unfortunately two open goals proved too much for our dynamic striking partnership of Marcus and Donkey with both opting to go wide. Target practice required please!! Whilst goals are the primary measure for a striker, some great running by both of them really opened up the play for us.

Back in midfield, Subway and Toby continue to prove their effectiveness running the flanks. Perhaps it is Subway’s coils that cause the oppos such confusion (or that they stop for admiration) that let him run through them or is it the silky skills that he is developing. Many thanks to Simon for stepping into 3s this week.

Finally this week saw the introduction of Perrier.. late to the game having got lost travelling down from St. Reatham – the delights of West Sutton disorientating the right back so much that he had to call on Subway to the rescue (presumably meaning that Subway didn’t have time to don the Hulk pants, hence the result?). As the half time team talk got underway, most of the team rehydrating with isotonics or squash, Perrier, as you may have guessed, preferred to sup on the light effervescence of sparkling mineral water!!

Whilst the class of the 3s may be improving, we need to translate this into our hockey. Some strong passages of play but we need to capitalise on the opportunities as they come along. Lets learn from this and take this forward to the rest of the season.

Donkey of the Day: The 'Donkey of the Day' award was reintroduced by popular demand this week. However, despite skillfully rounding the keeper and failing to put the ball into an open goal, this award was not given to Marcus. It was, in fact, awarded to Nigel for not only managing to turn up 15 minutes late, but for causing Man of the Match, Subway to be 15 minutes late too. What swung it in his favour though, was the glass bottle of refreshingly sparkling Perrier that he cracked open for his half-time refreshment.

Report: This week took the 3s to Mitcham Sands, that infamous location of many battles with Merton over the years. On arrival for the warm up, the ongoing ladies fixture proved a bit of a distraction for a certain Cheam player, with the captain sending him for a cold shower to focus on the task in hand.

The game started well with some fluid play across the back line and effective wing use but we struggled to break into their D. A momentary lapse let Merton through to chalk one up on the score sheet.

The second half started in a similar manner with Subway and Toby making some great runs. With great movement from Marcus up front, the opportunities started to come – but we held back, perhaps not wishing to embarrass the oppo or goal fright?!

The score line ended up 2-1 to Merton, which didn’t fairly reflect the passage of play with the 3s spending most of the game camped in side the oppos half. The focus for weeks ahead will be to keep our heads and use our wings more effectively to stretch the opposition. At present we are getting sucked into their D far too early and being crowded out. Onwards and upwards!