Cheam Mens 2nd XI - Nov 2010
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Name: |
Joe (Captain) |
| Nickname: |
The Wobbler |
| Position: |
Defence / Midfield |
| Took up the most important job in Hockey having been saved from his despicable "Commonball" background. Known as The Wobbler due to his unerring talent for missing sitters whenever he ventures into the D. |
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Name: |
Frosty |
| Nickname: |
Frosty |
| Position: |
Goalie |
| The Great Frostilicous has played for Cheam since the 1800s and still throws himself around with the best of them. Renowned for his post-match all-over-body-talc-ing sessions. More than a relic, a legend. |
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Name: |
Jon |
| Nickname: |
JK |
| Position: |
Goalie |
| No-nonsense keeper from the famous Kinchington family. Views matches as fag-breaks and will only answer in grunts before 1pm. Don't turn up with a tache or you will be judged. |
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Name: |
Derry |
| Nickname: |
Llama |
| Position: |
Forward / The Bar |
| Cheam's famous goal-machine and human windmill. Once the Llama starts swinging two things are in great danger - the opposition goal, and the vehicles in the car park. Can be seen daily in the sports club clutching fistfuls of Fudge. |
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Name: |
ASBO |
| Nickname: |
Dean |
| Position: |
Midfield |
| One of our obligatory South Africans. A fine hockey player on dodgy legs, whose skills with a camera have not gone unnoticed by the local police. |
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Name: |
Stuart |
| Nickname: |
The Badger |
| Position: |
Forward |
| Purley's finest, and master of the stick-tackle. The Badger can be found scurrying up and down the pitch (spreading TB) and scoring the occasional stunner from 3 yards. The brains behind the Comedic Fist-Pump celebration. But don't mention that he only teaches RE... |
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Name: |
Sohail |
| Nickname: |
Red Mist |
| Position: |
Defender |
| Cheam's resident "Hard Man". Spends all week locked in a cupboard waiting for Saturday, when he can unleash the fury. Famous for arriving late, and (after intervention from the Umpires) leaving early. File under "Dangerous". |
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Name: |
Dom |
| Nickname: |
QT |
| Position: |
Midfield |
| Your author, cheese enthusiast, and all-round hero. Patented the amazing stick-lift skill, as well as the two-yard miss and the fall-on-your-arse-in-the-D trick. |
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Name: |
Derek |
| Nickname: |
Del Boy |
| Position: |
Defence |
| Classy defender with an unforgivable love-affair with F1 Racing. Can flick the ball 40 yards if you ask him, but ask him to change a nappy and you can forget it. |
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Name: |
Ben |
| Nickname: |
Oggie |
| Position: |
Midfield |
| The baby-faced assassin who dices with death every week by somehow forgetting a change of clothes. Caused controversy amongst literature fans by turning up as Edward Cullen at a Halloween Social. |
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Name: |
Shepwolf |
| Nickname: |
Shepwolf / Rev |
| Position: |
Defence |
| Cheam's self-confessed party guy, Banter King, Reverend, and all-round wrong-un. This cheeky defender can often be found in Sutton's darkest corners of a weekend. You have been warned... |
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Name: |
Tim |
| Nickname: |
Tiny Timpah |
| Position: |
Attack |
| Wears bright yellow boots so must be one hell of a player. Found happy in the bar when Fulham win on Saturdays, but suicidal whenever they lose. The Samaritans are on stand-by. |
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Name: |
Molly |
| Nickname: |
Molly |
| Position: |
Defence |
| A fanatical sausage handler who joined us from Merton - though the word on the street is they banished him for appalling driving in the Merton car park. Big heart, big mouth. Opposition right wingers beware... Its a foghorn. |
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Name: |
Gary |
| Nickname: |
Gaz |
| Position: |
Forward |
| Lightning quick, this forward can be a bit of a ladies man. Though it all starts going wrong when he breaks out the High School Musical Soundtrack in the bedroom. Get your head in the game! |
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Name: |
Alex |
| Nickname: |
St Tropez |
| Position: |
Boots Tanning Aisle |
| Cheam's self-appointed tanning guru and architect of the "Dog ate my match fees" excuse. Famous for turning up to games looking like Jodie Marsh's skankier younger brother, and goes on holiday to aisle 4 in Boots. |
