Cheam Mens 2nd XI

Report: so the day started (and in hindsight , ended) well .

last weeks "RICHARD" of the day arrived with an injured arm (cheers drama) and no watch as it had been broken at training (cheers drama) with no DofTD outfit or boombox....

we arrived early as usual and set up camp to find the oppo were wearing the same colour as us (white) as we had changed due to their colour on fixtures live , the captains tossed the coin for the start and to see who had to wear the cruddy bibs they had found , i suprisingly won and they miraculously pulled there bright yellow away kit out of obscurity to wear which could of so easily been put on in the 1st place. (personal victory numero uno)

the 1st 5mins were all cheam and even had their captain scrambling to save and pressure our forwards who had 3 golden attempts to bury the game in the 1st half yet went begging.

que the annoying breakaway goal , whatever happened happened and the boys in white rallied and dug deep on a pitch similar to our own and one that we had enjoyed so much last season winning 3-1 , golden stick leader derry stepped up to level the scores at 1-1 before the half.

half time was spent with both captains and umpires arguing at the facts and rules which the home umpire was so clearly wrong about and had failed to take the 3 other peoples guidance on , gladly both captains got a minute to tell their lads the new plans , STAY AWAY FROM THE GUY IN RED....

we came out all guns blazing , with MofTM marlon brando killing the bankers for pace down the left and bollywood slipping the ball past there backs on the right and madders pulling the strings in midfield a goal was on the horizon , with both myself and levi (awesome again) receiving the ball alot as we swept the play from side to side.

a free hit in the corner was sent all the way back to "DOBBIE" who swept a ferocious ball straight into the D to find the windmiller himself who redirected the ball onto the underside of the crossbar and bounced down over the line to que wild celebrations by both players and our travelling supporters from london wayfarers 5s....(personal victory numero dos)

as the umpires had to keep talking to overule decisions , time was ticking away with the scores at 2-1 , a short corner was blown just the other umpire had blown for full time , our 4 brave runners managed to shut down the ball yet another shortie was given , the retaken shortie resulted in a goalmouth scramble and was sadly put away to the clear jubilation of their players , jk had led us fantastically all day and was even given MofTM by their captain .

a few supporters shouted well done to both sides and a lot of there players commented that our matches are always "awesome" and a "quality battle"

their excitement at a draw and our dissappointment at not getting a win shows the difference in the sides outlook on the game...

we were strong even without so many key players and play 2nd placed oxted at home next weekend where another hearty performance is needed...

Report: In the west the sun may set but Cheam brought sunlight to a dubious national league venue. Looking like kings with our Cheam stash we arrived in style. Our Gillets glistening in the morning sun. Venturing on to the sand, buckets and spades would have provided great pre match entertainment. Eventually cross bar challenge was decided upon, no one was up for going first and it was decided the challenge not be filmed. Luckily the Rev was nominated to go first. In a flash he stepped up with a menacing look in his eye set about spanking it with fury. The contact was good and the ball flew like an arrow to the top right corner, hitting the bar. The game was over the Rev had smashed it. Let’s face it Jesus would have found that act hard to follow.

Eventually game time was upon us and we were quick to get a chance on goal, the bell ringer was on hand to put this wide. Venting his anger at the world for cursing him with a dry patch, his screams could be heard across the land.

As both sides had chances Molly decided nipple high was half way up his mug and shown the yellow and we were down to 10. Getting organised with 10 was a pleasure with Roots stepping in bring solidarity to the backline. In the intermission it was 0 – 0 all to play for in the second half.

Nice, get in 1 – 0 mid way through the second half a well worked goal and Cheam looked like a team on form.

Anger got the better of Red Mist again and he damaged his shoulder trying to give the opposition a lesson in subdiffusion. Straight yellow and we were down to 10 again. DOM DIDI DOM DIDI DWEE DWEE DOHDOHDOHDOH DUM

Down on men we conceded a shorty. Puzzle was filling in at right back and couldn’t crack the code of do I stay or do I go 1 – 1. With temper flailing we needed to up our game. Some great individual skill from Gaz and the bell ringer was handed it on a plate by griffin, taking whatever chances he gets these days 2 -1 it was Cheam who never looked back - 3 points in the bag.

Naff teas wouldn’t have even have put half in.

LV

Report: There are a million swear words floating round my head as I write this match report. We lost to the better team on the day, but the way we played, the oppositions conduct and then the lack of decent teas left a sour taste in the mouth.
Having played so well for the majority of the season, Saturday saw us travel to UCL alone in third place, two points off the top two who were playing each other that day.

Eventually we all arrived at the ground via plane, train or automobile, with Sohail taking longer to arrive than others as usual despite only living down the road. Finally having turned up, he parked in a no parking zone (that’s the last time he takes the piss out of my driving), loudly mistook the opposition for a bunch of school children, before finally getting mistaken himself for a cleaner by the sports centre staff.

Ultimately looking back we only have ourselves to blame for the result but there were a few contributory factors not least the pitch, which was slower than Derry in a 100 yard dash and would have not have looked out of place in the Caribbean.
Crucially however it was our start to the game which, the first couple of minutes besides, was as if we had eleven new players on the pitch instead of just the one, Marlon Brando (aka Stuart). We soon found ourselves one nil down as they frequently broke at will through our normally reliable midfield.

Keeping us in it however was Gaz who came on to play centre midfield for Marlon, who came off it seemed to a torn hamstring so theatrical was his limp. In a quick reorganisation following a round of substitutions, Gaz provided speed and movement alongside the ever dependable skipper in the middle, whilst Coops was moved to centre back where he played a blinder.

Now by far the better side, scores were soon level after Gaz finished a slick short corner move. We had got used to the pitch and were now keeping procession, passing fluently to each ot her and cutting out attacks at an early stage. Going into the break we finished by far the stronger of the two teams and had seemingly got over our earlier blip.

We all thought so at least and after a rousing team talk we set out to press home our advantage. Another poor start to the half saw those hopes dashed however as we let UCL back into the game. We found ourselves 3-1 down, made to pay for slow play round the back, poor marking across the pitch and an inability to keep the ball.

Not finished though, we briefly rallied as Shep scored a well worked second and then tried to lift our spirits and play to the camera by doing a pre planned goal celebration. Killing the moment however was the fact that a) Andy wasn’t ready, b) the majority of the team were running back to the halfwayline to get back on terms and finally c) Badger who was manning the camera missed it all.

Eventually our shape went again, as we struggled with both the pitch and the fact we had to chase the game. As the game got stretched we conceded a further two goals ending any hopes we had of a comeback. Rather than be gracious winners however some UCL players chose to shout abuse at our players during the game. They deserved their win and the three points but the return leg at Laddington (otherwise known as the Fortess) will be tasty.

So disappointed with how we played, but knowing we could do a lot better, we all retired to the pub to drown our sorrows and have teas. Whilst nice, it was no chilli, and we could have done with double the amount. MacDonald’s drive through on the way home. The opposition meanwhile decided to stay on the pitch and have a beach party instead of playing genial hosts. As I say the return leg promises to be tasty...

Report: "SOUTH DOWNS DERBY"

Matchday arrived and bragging rights were at stakes.
Oppo were arriving in dribs and drabs as the 2s were professional as ever.
This is always a tough place to play.
Hours of match analysis lead to a spirited start and improved play.
Every man battled hard and lead to a bollywood 1st for the club, cue the jig...
Reply from the suprisingly effective oppo was imminent, not before puzzletime.
Fantastic defending helped release a half pitch joddy jaunt to feed the llama.
Unfortunatly the 2s let a sloppy goal in to put the pressure back on.
Cheams class started to show as the oppo became tired, the machine ploughed on.
Keeping our heads and attacking at pace was the final straw for pws.
Excited supporters filled the fortress and whooped and whaled with every attack.
Rounding off the performance with a diving back post sweep was bendizzle.
South downs derby complete , now its over to the 1s & 3s to carry the batton.

3 more points on the board , 3 days of rest , training , then 3 days of build up towards a huge away game against 6th place london academicals , 3 games before xmas break , lets go for the "OTHER" 3 that we want on saturday.

KEEP THE FAITH......

Report: From the outset it was just cheam cheam cheam
In-between moments of attack from the oppo
Super finishing from the cheam forwards led to a two-nil lead at halftime
Team talk was inspirational despite molly’s declaration of ‘we are like the home team’
I think molly you will find you are actually on the muddy pitch in barnes (queue the elvis suit).
Not long after half time el cappi got so very near to scoring ... yes scoring.... but sadly it was saved and the puzzler remains puzzled.
Ghostly silence prevailed while the team recovered from the puzzler getting a strike on target

major mentions to kat (cameragirl) and rose for supporting us over land and sea , and barnes ...
Individual brilliance from froggie added a further 3 goals.... well tap ins really before gary Smashed Right into the goal post with a little help from the oppos goalie ... 6 goals against him just got too much.
It all ended in a team cuddle ... now that’s an incentive to win next week!
Shiny and clean the boys arrived at teas following a lovely soaking in white tea and rich orange blossom (8/10) and whatever else goes on in the showers ... i will never know!
Kat spent the rest of her romantic weekend at home scrubbing the dirt from the not- so- white -anymore away kit
You may have the greatest bunch of individual stars in the world, but if they don't play together, the club won't be worth a dime.

Report: Last Saturday saw the 2xi Cheam Machine look to bounce back from their previous weeks defeat to the league leaders with a resounding win at the fortress against Addiscombe.

Ex-international super-saffa Anton was called up from the Vets to replace centre back Derek, as Joe revealed a new master-plan of playing three at the back with the centre forward in the middle.

Shep was back in the team after being banished to the 1xi however, so we were all relieved to know we could revert to our normal system should the unthinkable happen and the meanest defence in the league concede.

Bang on time, the game started at a frenetic pace with Addiscombe starting the brighter of the two teams and quickly going one nil up. Our slow start was met with a fast passing oppo who ran off the ball and through the gaps which Derek would normally fill with this portly yet Formula One aerodynamic frame.

Initially as we struggled with the new system / personal JK was busier than a man with one tooth in a corn on the cob eating competition. This encouraged the opposition and their coach in particular who as well as telling his players how to play the game also wanted to try and tell Fiona how to umpire it as well. Eventually however we realised what the sticks in our hands were for, switched to our normal back 4 diamond and started passing to those people in the same coloured shirts as us. After this revelation we promptly equalised shortly through Gary after a well worked short corner and started playing the hockey which makes us, when the 1xi stop nicking all our players ;>), make us the best team in the club.

Now we were giving something for our cheerleaders in the ever growing Cheam 2xi crèche to shout about. Our passing became crisper and to men whilst our marking and movement off the ball made JK almost a spectator for the rest of the game.

Sincere thanks from all the team to Mia and Caroline for watching, and Annabel for filming the game. Ludicrously however the game remained tight and deadlocked at one each until the inspired introduction of Pube for Bollywood, formally known as new Rob.

Often much maligned, the most improved player in the club chased down a seemingly lost cause and pulled back expertly for Coleman to put us into a deserved 2-1 lead.
Victory seemed in the bag when Pube went onto add a third himself in quick fire time and then chest bumped Badger to the floor in his goal celebration. Badger was to be shortly saved from DOTD however...

Elvis’s costume was to be worn this week by Joe, who decided to showboat to the mass of supporters and live up to his name of Wobbler by falling down though somehow ending up on end the concrete at the side of the pitch instead of on it.

Comic as these were, we didn’t let ourselves get distracted by either these or some eccentric umpiring decisions by the visiting official and allow Addiscombe a sniff of a way back into the game. Excellent work rate in the midfield and solid tackling at the back and the odd beautifully disguised foot on the line at a short corner kept the score at 3-1.

Undeniably the best goal was left until last. New Rob (as opposed to the player formally known as new Rob, Bollywood) rounded off the win nicely with a superb short corner flick from the top of the D – a real 'Omar special’. No running for us this week!

New young cheetah Leo Oliver met his daddy’s team mates in the club afterwards as we all celebrated a resounding win over beer, chilli and fudge.

Thank you for reading – goodnight.

Report: My first season at Cheam and my first match report, oh the pressure!

In the first 10 minutes we played good hockey, passing it around fluently and it looked like we would dominate the game.
New midfield pairing for the weekend of Pube and Badger linked up well with debutant Ian up front with Derry. Going forward on the counter we looked dangerous but couldn’t get the ball to Derry enough to test their keeper.

Everything was going well until Oxted scored a scrappy, undeserved goal.

It seemed that some of their team were training for the GB diving team with some spectacular tumbles after very little contact but 1 of the umpires (ours) didn’t fall for it.

Soaking up Oxted pressure but not conceding another goal we went into half time feeling that the game was still up for grabs.

A rousing half time team talk from the captain lead to us starting the second half positively but we still weren’t able to get the all important equalizer.

We had 1 short corner all match which was sweetly struck by Derry but was some how saved by the goalkeeper. Everyone put in a massive effort throughout the second half but our efforts weren’t rewarded and we walked off at full time disappointed with the 1-0 defeat.

Sponges out of 10 this week, provided by Bollyood, was Radox Fennel and Sea Minerals and was given 8/10 by Badger but wasn’t so highly rated by everyone else.

Our WOW this week went to Pube which resulted in him sporting a wonderful Elvis onesy in the opposition clubhouse. Look out for it in our clubhouse next week.

MOM went to Bollywood, who was rewarded with some tasty Mr Kipling apple and blackcurrent pies. End of the day a frustrating result but we'll bounce back against Addiscomb next week.

Report: Remembering last seasons games vs todays oppo helped little as we won 3-1 and lost 4-0 at home.
Initially we started shakey and took 10 minutes to put more then 4 passes together which brought upon the pressure.
Mr ex chairman made his 1st appearance for the club of 2011/12 coming off the bench for centre mid duties .

Mental man of the moment gary allen played in his new forearm pad hoping to bring him luck and keep away the grazes , FAIL.
Initial shakes were over as we pilled on the pressure and took the lead through badger scoring his last goal of the season.
Now and again the oppo broke through the midfield and took on derek and shep and got a scrappy goal which im sure jk wont miss again.

Going forward we looked phenominal using both wings and transfered the ball well and playing one touch passing and triangles .

Ice cream , dont know where i got that from but hey , we could of done with some in that heat.
Substitutes were used brilliantly and helped rotate our attacking options as sohail coops derek and shep kept on grafting at the back.

Gault the colt once again played brilliantly against highly placed oppo who have probably played for longer then hes been alive.
Overall the result , the effort , the discipline all produced a top performance and end product , 3 points gained...
Our man of the match went to mario who once again worked tirelesly and gave 100 percent all game.

Dog of the day was split between colemans aweful footwear and pubes short shorts and bare chested half time schinannigans.

Report: WE CAME
WE SAW
WE GOT SOMETHING
.
Yours truly knew how hard a game this was going to be after last seasons 2-1 and 2-0 defeats.
Our game plan was simple , to work hard and counter when possible , hitting the unbeaten oppo when we can and making it count.
Ugly scenes followed with wave and wave of "Shadows" attacks and roughly 15 short corners against the seconds.
Promising counter attacks from gaz, richie rich and mario kept the shadows on there toes and started to worry the oppos gk.
Our half time break was taken constructively in a pitchside wendy house only badger would be proud to call home.
Rallied as we were we took to the field to face much of the same but with a belief we had the "umph" to get something.
Nearing full time we gained only our second shortie which was put away buy derek gibb, himself seeming suprised by the finish.
.
Cards followed for sohail "red-mist" ahmad who found himself on the end of some good old bullying from the oppo.
Our man was given a well deserved dressing down from the captain at the end of the game and PROMISED it wont happen again.
Man of the match was awarded to stand in gk frosty who saved our behinds on many occasions.

Report: Dear Diary

today i FINALLY got to play against sanderstead 2s , it was there first league game of the season so im sure they were fired up and ready to go.

they put 9 goals past us last season losing 4-1 and 5-1 so we had a point to prove and wanted more after our hard fought draw against surrey spartans the week before.

On tuesday we had 14 and as the week progressed we had less and less , never the less we showed up and fought on in 27 degree heat .

we called up james "THE COLT" gault and levi roots from the 3s and boy did they play well, the colt even got man of the match and levi played in 3 seperate positions over the course of the game.

my team talk basically went , "play hard , work hard , enjoy it and play with a smile on your face , no back chat and if anyones gonna get carded , i want it to be me" WELL , i did the last part and he lads done the rest...

coleman made a fantastic debut for the 2s and shep did well on his first 2s game of the season bossing the back and mids alongside del-boy .

jk had another stormer and derry fired in the goals after great bursting runs from mario and badger in the midfield..
i was brought up in front of a court and apart from being mis-represented i was found guilty for my actions on the pitch (except my aerial that cleared 3rds of the pitch)and duly paid my fine.

NOTE TO SELF:-
Next week , do not get green carded...
Next week , do not get yellow carded...
Next week , DO GIVE GUILDFORD SHADOWS ONE HELL OF A GAME..

Report: Id like to start by saying "I FEEL SORE"

A game that was only organised on tuesday against a young uni oppo that arent even back at uni yet , contained at least 5 players that played for there 1st XI squad against ours in the surrey cup 2 weeks before.

due to unavailability and the fact all of the mens were playing at the same time and also away , we struggled to gain a umpire or anymore than the 12 players we had...

we started our 2011 season with some great hockey and had our opposition on the back foot with a great opening goal from derry brophy which shook the oppo into life with both sides having great opertunities to get on the sheet before the half .

their team talk from their head coach and 4 sets of fresh legs on the sidelines helped the spartans take a hold of the game and score 2 quick fire goals to take the lead 2-1 in the space of ten 2nd half minutes.

but the cheetahs kept plugging away and kept sneaking brilliant counter attacks in with bender and morley noteably hitting the oppo with pace and great control feeding derry in at the top of the "D"

The back 4 of coops , del-boy julio and duncan worked brilliantly and kept chatting and organised and kept us in the game by bullying the forwards out of the game and reducing there midfielders in to drastic hits from the top of the area which JK dealt with ease.

a chance fell to bender at the far post for a tap in with 10 minutes to go and more then enough time to score a winner , but no , he missed , but he did rush back into position to stop their next attack , a great move between rob "BOLLYWOOD" gopinath and derry brophy helped split the midfield and lure in the defense to release gary morley away and took a slice of luck off the turf which saw the ball bounce over the keeper into the far corner with 5 left to play.

the last 5 minutes were spent in our own half , but with the ball , we were confident enough in our own game and play and on the new surface at SSP to play the ball around the whole team and ended the game with a well deserved point .

a huge thank you must go to mark "ATHERS" atherton who umpired on behalf of CHC

WOW , Bollywood , a great game on the pitch BUT its the day you get judged on aand not showering is RANK...learn from your mistakes my young grasshopper...

MOM , Bender , played brilliantly in both the midfield and as a forward , should of scored but overall his stick is new and he's just getting used to it...

NEXT WEEK WERE AT HOME TO SANDERSTEAD AT 1PM , COME ON DOWNNNNNNNN !!!

Report: The 2s started there 2001/12 campaign with a friendly away at leafy st bedes school against newly promoted (to our 1st XI's league) as league champions , old reigations 1s.

the weekend started on a top note , with a text that read ;-

Hi Omar and Joe only just got your texts/emails about today.not sure if I mentioned but I have been away on a training course with work this week in which we were shoved in some words for kidnap training etc.are phone weren't allowed and we when we did have access there was no signal(due to being in the middle of nowwhere) hence why I haven't been able to text/emal about today's games(as said only found out times just now).I'm travelling back this morning but won't be back in time for either of the games.my apologies.hope we get some big wins yours tan man x

Have sent the above I know realize it's Friday-not Saturday-that's what two days in a dark room with gunfire flying around does to you...I am therefore available for both games-aplogies for the confusion lololololololollol XXXXXXXX

What a twit , oh well , on better notes , a club debut for Rob Gopinath and a 2s debut for Andy "Coops" Cooper after getting game time for the 3s last weekend and also bringing arrogance and excellence from Southampton uni were Julio and Squealer , in that order im sure we can agree !

We started the game brilliantly , swallowing up about 5 minutes of pressure in and around our D , after that we hit the oppo with 2 quickfire counter-attacks resulting in goals for Morley and Derry Llama , sadly a sleeping backline werent ready for an aerial from the pb which put the on-charging forward bringing the scores back to 2-1. Morley scored another before a late siege from the oppo ended the game 3-3.

A great result in our first outing as a team this season, in places we played some fantastic hockey and worked the oppo into submission, we used our subs brilliantly and talked throughout, short corners were worked well and when we played it along the back we opened spaces and a small shout out to Derek who didnt balls up a single aerial.

COME BACK NEXT WEEK FOR WOTW , SPONGES OUT OF 1O AND KNIFES OUT OF NINE REVIEWS FROM SURREY SPARTANS...