Cheam Mens 2nd XI

Report: Saturday saw the Cheam Machine travelling to league leaders Reigate 3xi with revenge in mind.

The previous encounter had seen Reigate inflict the Machine’s only home defeat so far, with them leaving the fortress having given us an 2-8 lesson in breakaway finishing. Despite collecting a possible 17 of 21 points since that reverse, regular readers will know that moral and form has not been the same since that defeat. In order to rectify this however we have trained hard, drunk away our sorrows, watched foreign motivational films, and played rugby during warm ups.

We arrived at the ground early and in high spirits, and quickly started throwing the ball around. The umpire on the far side of the preceding game however didn’t appreciate this and proceeded to order us off from the pitch. Chastised, we left the pitch feeling like naughty little school boys, to warm up 40 minutes early and nickname Dick. Our skipper meanwhile quickly ascertained whether she was umpiring the next game by checking the time of the month with her on the calendar.

Once the game started, we were unsurprisingly quickly into our stride and went ahead early through one of our specially rehearsed short corner routines. Joe’s surprise barely off the backline drag push was rescued by Derry, whose cross was seized on by our preying Mantle. Revenge was in sight however in the reverse fixture their forwards has given us a lesson in finishing, so we knew had to be on our toes.

The next 60 minutes saw the real Cheam Machine return. Despite occasionally struggling to get the ball away from our 16’s, we stayed positive, worked for each other and eventually found our passing game. We remained a constant threat in attack whilst when defending, the midfield three hassled and closed down space. Dean was especially effectively at targeting and nullifying their most influential midfielder. When I say targeting, I mean harrying, hassling, niggling, whilst occasionally fouling him and subtly questioning his sexuality. This left their forwards isolated, reliant on the long ball and increasingly frustrated.

Despite defending for periods, we remained a constant threat on the break away. Our lone forward Derry held a high line creating space for our wingers to break at pace, resulting in several breakaways. Their goalkeeper was forced to make several saves from well worked moves, as their defenders struggled to cope with our movement and ball speed.

The second half quickly followed the same fashion with Reigate creating more chances as they poured forward in numbers. These were rebuffed however by a disciplined back four with several well timed challenges and where necessary last gasp blocks. If this line was breached there was the final obstacle of our goalkeeper Frosty, who once again was quick off his line and perfecting his impression of the Great Wall of China.

Attack often formed the best method of defence however. Their goalkeeper rescued his side several times, saving from Derry three or four times after well worked moves resulted in one on ones. As time wore on we prayed we would not rue these missed chances as the final result remained unpredictable until the final whistle.

This led, in honour of the (absent) honey monster, to high fives all across the back line, celebrating only our second clean sheet of the season. The result was achieved with a much changed back line,

This result means we are three points behind Reigate in first and remain two points ahead of Richmond in third, with a game in hand. To celebrate everyone, including Pepper, came back for a beer and the most boring game of rugby we have ever seen. Roll on next Saturday...

Report:

Today we pleased the hockey gods with an offering worthy of them. The gods blessed those honoured spectators at the fortress with a feast for the senses; as they witnessed true drama unfold before them. Two gladiators, neigh titans of the game locked horns and grappled in an epic struggle that ebbed and flowed, before Cheam emerged the victor.

This match meant a lot to both sides as you could cut the tension during the warm up with a knife. A deathly hush had descended on the fortress as both teams went through their pre game ritual. Sanderstead have been impressive of late and have risen up the table and have a couple of games in hand. Whilst Cheam needed the victory to stay in 2nd place ahead of the chasing pack.

The opening exchanges were a tense affair with the Sanderstead players fronting up with aggressive and fast paced hockey. Again like recent weeks, Cheam were able to soak up the pressure and utilise our pace by counter attacking to strike back at the opposition. We again looked dangerous down the right with Flasher making a few darting runs and challenging the defence, whilst Mario on the left slashed through on a couple of occasions with scant reward. The game swung this way and that and neither side was able to completely dominate the other.

The opening goal fell to Sanderstead after a break down their left and a cool finish but the Cheam heads did not fall. This fighting spirit we have refused to buckle and we responded in true Cheam style. Very quickly we struck back with a three goals in the space of ten minutes that rocked the opposition. Flasher grabbed the first two after assists from Brandi and Perez, both goal mouth scrambles that showed his commitment and drive. The third was a thunderbolt that started with a flick forward to the right wing channel by Dell, controlled by Perez and he drew the centre back before laying it into the path of Brandi. This was struck first time from the top of the D into the roof of the net across the keeper.

At half time we gathered ourselves and prepared for the inevitable onslaught form the Sanderstead hoards. The second half was some of the best defensive work from Cheam that I have seen this season. It was disciplined and committed and we utilised Perez as an outlet well. We restricted them to one chance of note that was put wide and Frosty was left with little to do. However the one goal they did score was from a well worked deflected short corner.

The game ended as a feisty affair with a challenges flying in from ASBok and of course Sohail. NoJo came in and made a few magnificent last ditch challenges late in the game. However this pressure started to tell and there was tension between our defensive partnerships but we stood firm.

The final whistle was a welcome relief and like two pugilists at the end of the bout. Both teams retired too their corners to lick their wounds and reflect on the contest. This was 3 points earned through defensive concentration, commitment to each other and having the bravery to break at pace and as a unit. A definite improvement on previous weeks and now we go forward to Reigate Priory undaunted.

Report: Post Christmas the 2’s have not been at their fluid best and results have been ground out rather than sculpted as we are used to. At Barnes this week, we were again struggling to recapture our buccaneering dominant hockey whilst facing a resilient and worthy foe.

The hockey at times was good but mostly average. The marking at times was poor, with little discipline. Movement off the ball was non existent and we wasted 4 or 5 good openings. Despite this we should have won the game in the final few moments. This was a poor performance but we know we can play better and will play better once we start playing for each other again, working as a team and focusing on wide fast dominant hockey.

Barnes are a solid side at home on their water base but we came with the intention of getting a result. We were lucky to have a goal of theirs wrongly not given early doors but then started to wrestle control of the game. We looked most dangerous when overloading the fullbacks and driving for the touchline. This resulted in the first goal after Brandi skipped past a challenge and crossed for our Super Nintendo Hero to sweep home. The second goal was a well worked move from a short corner that Derry dispatched with aplomb. At this point we were good value for our lead and even could have been further ahead with good chances falling to each member of the forward line.

However it was at this point with just a few moments till half time that the game changed. Barnes came straight on the attack and took advantage of Cheam’s failure to clear the ball and crossed to the back stick. Despite the best efforts of the Frost, it trickled in just as the half time whistle went. This was a real psychological blow for the boys in Claret and Blue and despite the oranges at the interval; we looked like a different team in the second half.

During the second half Barnes came out in a much more aggressive manner and were able to constantly have an overlap in the midfield. This put further pressure on the defence causing them to be pushed further and further back. The high defensive line from the first half had retreated to almost the penalty spot at times and the inevitable equaliser came froma resulting shortie. The defensive team did well to block many of them with Pube and NoJo flying out with little regard for their own safety, before one slipped through the net.

We still had our moments as they pushed on for the winner we were able to hit them on the break on a couple of occasions. Marcus beating two men before attempting a cheeky reverse stick lob of the keeper that went inches wide then Perez broke at pace beat the defence before shooting just past the back post.

In the final few moments of the game we were denied a stone wall flick. A short corner routine left this author with a chance to win the game. The strike was pure and sweet a connection as I have ever made but alas the hockey gods were not on our side. It connected with almost Ryan Shawcross ferocity with the ankle of the Barnes defender on the line. The umpire did well to miss most things all game, again looked blankly back at us.

Maybe we were robbed but I’m sure they are saying the same thing. Come on boys, all to training on Tuesday and team bonding Wednesday night. I for one will be wearing an all black shirt in the hope that some how Matt Damon doesn’t lead SA to the cup this time.

Report: The seconds notched another victory to stay in second place but the performance lacked cohesion and intensity and we deserved the post match grilling from Charlotte. Before the game we spoke about how the team spirit and commitment has trailed off in the past few weeks resulting in numbers down at training and tense words exchanged during games.

The 2’s were bolstered this weekend with an influx of expensive talent from the 3’s and as a result beat Reigate Priory 4-1, much to the delight of the partisan capacity crowd at the Fortress of Doom. Into the starting line up were new faces, Marcus, Pube, Coleman and Frank, despite some of them not attending training and living round the corner in Ashford.

Cheam started in dominant fashion with a series of chances being created by Derry, Brandi and Pube down the right. Softy was also looking to get forward at every opportunity on the left. The chances created were spurned and after 20mins it began to look like it might not be Cheam’s day. However the mighty curly one seeing his good work come to nothing, decided to take matters into his own hands. Pube charged down the line and scored from an impossible angle. Goalkeeping error has been suggested as a cause for the goal but I say nay and challenge this. I assure you it was hockey genius and the hockey gods rallying to our noble cause.

After this piece of divine intervention and the half time interval, we came out a force renewed and struck 3 more goals. Frank managed to deflect a cross from Gary into the roof of the net despite the hindrance of his glittery tights, Marcus was a constant threat all game and had his best game for the 2’s scoring from a tight angle and Coleman diverted a cross/wayward shot from Derry.

Despite these 3 goals the game was never secure as Reigate Priory broke often and in large numbers to leave us outnumbered at the back on many occasions. Sharpey and Derek had the unenviable task of repulsing the waves of attacks and Frosty was in inspired form between the sticks. Despite their titanic efforts one chance got through, the result of to many midfielders breaking through without markers. Something we got away with this game but a lesson we need to take on board.

There were strong performances individually over the park but as Charlotte pointed out not a great team performance. This maybe due to the number of new faces in the side and our inability to put the same side out consistently due to injuries, call ups and unavailability. A good win in the end but sterner tests await us over the next few weeks.

Report: The Cheam machine is like a blue/purple Yaris, not great acceleration but if you give it a week to get up to speed, very impressive. Last week against Richmond was a dour affair and the first half from Woking carried on in a similar vein. Cheam dominating pressure and possession but not huge amounts of success or fluency in our attacking play. Despite the number of chances we had, we went in just the one up at the break after Perez resumed his annual Woking defensive role.

However in the second half, after the now standard hairdryer treatment, we finally hit the magical 88miles per hour and great Scott, we were transformed into a team possessed. Suddenly when before there were squares, we had the most idyllic triangles and the Woking boys were left seeing stars as we ran circles around them.

Our second half performance was one of width and pace and soon had our reward as Woking were pressed further and further back. The whole team was lifted led by midfield dominance from a very influential chav called ASBO displaying silky skills we didn’t know the old fella possessed, buccaneering runs from virtually the whole back four and great movement off the ball from the forward line. Despite putting away 4 cracking goals in the second half, Frosty the goalkeeper was alert and made a string of impressive saves that highlighted that class is permanent.

The goals were all crafted from the finest marble and worthy offerings to the demanding hockey gods. Gazza was a constant threat on the left and ended up with a couple of assists and even finished of a sweeping Cheam attack with a confident strike. Woking defensive lynch pin Perez ended up with 2 own goals including one cheeky nutmeg through the keeper’s legs. Derry also followed up his impressive and crucial strike with another well taken goal this week. Looks like he was right and it was his old stick's fault after all.

With the pre-match build up dominated by the scoring competition that has at least 3 people gripped, Hutson vs Mantle, Brandi did not disappoint with a cool finish after more good work from ASBO. This means the score in now 6-5 to the female forward but the defensive midfielder is convinced he can make a late charge for the much coveted trophy.

This was a great performance by the whole team but ASBO was rightfully awarded MOM. Whilst the slightly less prestigious and sought after WOW went to our own self defence expert, Sohail, for great ball control but bad temper and shin pad control. More of the same please boys with PW’s just around the corner.

Report: Two days short of February, the league season finally got underway for the Cheam Machine with a home match against Richmond 4xi, in which there was blood, sweet, tears (nearly) and a man going down in the call of duty.

Revenge was certainly on the agenda as they had turned us over 4-0 at their place. They had also overtaken us in second so this game was massive. Despite warming up with purpose however the Cheam Machine looked rusty and it took all of 35 minutes to fully bring the beast into life.

It was a forgettable first half in which we seemed intent to pass it slowly across the d, forgetting to look for early ball, whilst those ahead of it meandered into position. Richmond however never looked like scoring, despite a quick centre forward and an abilty to break in numbers.

Strong words were needed and were duly delivered at half time. Whats more we all listened and the team game out as the 2009 rather than 2010 version.
Cheams workrate improved dramatically and we soon scored early in the half though Derry.

The crowd duly responded to which Richmond players seemed completely ill prepared. Two opposistion players came in for particular banter; one for his inability to tackle cleanly and another for stupidly thinking he should answer back to the assembled throng. I personally put the former problems due to blindless, esp as he seemed to think that his grey short matched his colleagues white ones.

Badger soon lost patience / count and booked him for one of his 'better' fouls, where he got the ball as well as the man, but he came from the wrong side. This led to another amusing incident where their umpire (a player who had shown an alarming lack of understanding of the rules of hockey in the first half) proceeded to advise Badger that it was not really a green and that the game should be left to him to umpire. The Richmond players didnt really know whether to laugh, cry or both.

In the end they decided to have their best spell of the game piling on the pressure and forcing man of the match frosty in several saves as he swept up behind the centre backs.

It was backs to the wall time and in my case back to the floor time. Rushing to close down an attack down the right, my left leg went from under me as I slipped. Trying to recover and make a tackle my right knee twisted and locked.

AS I was helped off the ptch, this led to an amusing episode in which in our haste to get 11 men on the pitch, a forward went to left back whilst a defender stayed on the bench. Everyone was then so keen to correct this that at one point we had four players off the pitch (one more than needed) with 2 more volunteering to go off as well.

The Cheam Machine saw the game out, adding another on the break to knock the stuffing out of Richmond and move back to our rightful place in the top 2 on goal difference. We are now 10 point behind Reigate with a game in hand. This league is not over yet.

Report: In our last league of the year, the Cheam Machine took out our vented fury on Guildford having conceded 8 the week before.

We outplayed Guildford and went 3 up before deciding to play with them some more and allow them back in the game at 2-3 before scoring a fourth and finishing them off.

There is no doubt that when we have our game heads on, we play the best hockey in the league. There is also no doubt that we are inconsistent and often either take too long to get going, or switch off at key times. That is why we head into Christmas only second. Whether we improve on that will be down to availabilitys and our away form!

Report: I have decided that whatever I write could not do justice to this game where we went 2-0 and had the majority of chances and pocession, yet walked off the pitch having been turned over 2-8. So I'm not gpoing to even try.

At the end of the game, we all shook hands knowing that we had been part of a great game, where (I cant belive I am typing this) hockey was the real winner. Reigate readily admitted this was the hardest game they had played all season and we all look forward to the return fixture.

For those who want to know more, you'll have to buy us a pint and we will tell you all the about the game and happily say, I was there.

Report: It was bloody windy, bloody wet and it even bloody snowed. However the Cheam Machine grinded out our best win of the season, scoring from our chances and then soaking up all that Barnes and mother nature could throw at us.

Bloody good result.

P.S
How many times have I told you...dont bloody swear!

Report: A scrappy game in which we never really hit top gear but managed to come through. If what they say is true, then we'll be champions this year as we really didnt play well for the first half of the game, yet pulled it back in the second half thanks to teamwork, excellent wing play by Mario and dubious umpiring.

In the first half (wonderfully umpired I have to say) we conceded a soft goal and quite frankly allowed ourselves to go down to their level. We could not get any flow to our normal fluid passing game as they constantly broke up the play with repeated fouls.

Captain fantastic (he paid me to say that - I take Visa and Switch) gave us a rollicking at half time and it worked. Suddenly our passes found sticks as we constantly opened them up down the flanks.

The turning point of the game came when Derry was sent free on the left. He crosed and the rest is history. Except the trouble is technically the ball may have gone over the backline before he could pull it back. The Reigate defenders all started waving their hands in the air in protest and it kicked off. Their umpire who had given the goal asked Sharpy if he had seen anything. Sharpy had a long think about it and concluded that no he had not seen the ball cross the back line just before we equalised in a game we were being outplayed in. I'd buy a second hand car from him! I leave readers to decide if Derry's speed and ball control mean that the ball actually crossed the line.

Toys were thrown out of prams and rattles flew through the air. Then we caught them napping (all the ranting really took it out of them) and scored a second. Suddenly we looked as if we were going to score with every attack.

Then we decided to give them a last chance to get back in the game when we went down to 10 men. This is where the excellent teamwork bit came in. We managed to defend for our lives and still nearly score with every attack. Perhaps we should go down to 10 more often???...

In short it was a game of two halves where we showed great resilance defeating stubborn opposistion despite having only 12 players due to call ups and unavailability.

Report: Another win for the Cheam Mean Machine. Woking were taken apart as we got back to winning ways and kept up our 100% record at the fortress.

This result was all the more satisfying as Woking was my old club. Whilst everyone was up the other end the centre forward and I had many a pleasant moment reminiscing.

Everyone had a good game and the MOM was shared round the team. I dont remember much else (memo to self - write reports immediately after the game) however the fact is however this game should have been won by more. In fairness however their goalkeeper did play a blinder and it turned out to be his first senior adult game - he was only 15.

Ah I remember when I was 15...

Report: Following a heavy league defeat away at Camberley the previous game, opponents looking at the league table could be forgiven for thinking that the Cheam mean machine had stalled. Last Saturday however saw the return of several key players and a subsequent return to winning ways for Cheam 2xi. In short we were a completely different side from the previous week against Camberley, with only half the team having played the previous week.

The game started in peculiar circumstances with our players explaining to the umpire the new rules almost whilst the ball was being pushed back. This didn’t prevent us from starting quickly against our opponents however who were left rubbing their eyes at the total hockey being played before them. The ball switched round the back at speed and runners overwhelmed the midfield and wide areas. Of course it was also a 10am start so sleep deprivation might have had something to so with it.
Ten-man Croydon (one of their number pulled out at the last minute when he checked the fixture list) quickly decided to put 9 men behind the 25 yard line and play the long ball up-to their lone centre forward. As someone who recently has moved to the area from SW19 it made me feel quite nostalgic for the good old days at Plough Lane (I still haven’t forgiven them for beating us in the 1987 cup final!). Unfortunately for Croydon our press was working fantastically which meant that they were often restricted to hitting the ball straight out of play.

It soon became clear that our midfield had been given the freedom of Nonsuch and if we are to be honest with ourselves it may have gone to our heads for short periods. There are no injuries to report as yet, though a number of players have gone to St Helier for scans on suspected buttock muscle tears having dribbled up their own arse a few too many times.

Seriously we all agreed over post match refreshment that whilst heavy crowding in the d meant that the final pass was often hard to find, too often we did not pass to teammates early enough or did not think to earn a short corner. Something to work on at training.

As a result we made the game a little harder than we needed to. Dean scored his first goal for the club, a beautiful hit from the top of the D early in the first half after a crisp passing move with left defenders in its wake. Chances were then wasted before Derry, just on, intercepted a 16 yard hit, beat the defender and then smashed the ball past the keeper.

That was to be the end of the goal scoring until towards the end of the second half, with Croydon dropping further and further back and restricting space. Still the match was never boring, thanks to some eccentric umpiring. Apparently we had not explained the rules well enough for the umpire who ruled out a perfectly goal on the rebound from a shot by Derry. The umpire did not think it was fair of Derry to hit the original shot in the air at the keeper, concerned for his safety as he couldn’t get out the way because of all his padding and all. The umpire proved to be very fair like that. On another instance after a foul which he had not blown, we decided to hit the sideline ball back to the Croydon for a 16. Having done so however we nearly had to do it again as he blew wanting to ensure we took the ball from the right place. It was laugh a minute out there.

Things threatened to get serious when Croydon scored from a short corner late in the half however we quickly hit our third and ended the contest. It should have been by more but this match still represented a welcome return to winning ways.

Man of the Match – Dean. Excellent in central midfield, distributed well and scored his first goal for the club.
*!%"$£ – Simon who was not playing but failed in his duty to ensure we had the wow dress to hand on. Harsh but fair.

Report: These matches against Kenley are usually epically tight and tense affairs and playing them on the opening game of the season with a host of new faces; it promised to be a similar experience.

However at the end of the game Cheam had emerged victorious with an impressive 5-1 scoreline. The match was an open one with chances galore and Cheam fought back after conceding early on. One of the new recruits, Better Andy finished with a brace and was a constant threat, Brandi grabbed 2, Derry could have had 7 but got none and Bandit also helped himself to 1. There were strong debuts from Simon Taylor, Phil’s new anti child catching astro boots, Molliver, not so straight Rob and Pretorius.

There are tougher teams in the league and it may not have been the strongest Kenley team but it was an encouraging start. Despite the occasion, our minds could not help but wander to the sad news of the day, Phil had separated from the much beloved Reebok Classics. These were faithful servants cruelly cast aside in their prime. Because of this Cheam Mens II will have a minutes silence before the Croydon game.